From the Brow of Zeus

I recently updated CCleaner, a program that roots out temporary and useless files on your hard drive, because it's best not to run an outdated copy of a program that might mistake "My Documents" for "crap".

After running the setup program I unchecked the usual suspects. No, I don't want a desktop icon. Yes, I want it on my start menu. No, I don't want Yahoo! toolbar.

Wait a second. Yahoo! Toolbar?



I find it ironic that a program formerly known as "Crap Cleaner" is so hot to install something like Yahoo! Toolbar on my precious PC.

It's like a bottle of Pine-Sol® that opens up a secret hatch and a little robotic boot pops out and stomps muddy footprints on your kitchen floor.

Labels: software

I made a prank call today. I couldn't help it. The School of Game Development made me.

Okay, they didn't make me, exactly. But they were asking for it.

Just take a look at their half-page advertisement in Game Informer magazine:


Friggin' genius! He doesn't even hold his control pad the right way. And he's supposed to be a graduate? The only way that would work is if this was the "before" picture a two-part ad. The message being, "We even taught this guy how to program!"

Concerned for the future of the School of Game Development, I placed a call.

No, seriously. I called them up. And though I did not mean to, I spoke in a slight Indian accent. Purely subconsciously, I assure you.

Fine. I sounded like Ben Jabituya.

Ben (me): Hello, is this the School of Game Development?

Operator (bubbly): Yes it is!

Ben (me): I was wondering if you had a course on advanced joystick holding.

Halfway through saying this, I realized how dirty it sounded. I was afraid she'd hang on me. This wasn't a sleazy call! Luckily, things were about to get too damn funny for her to hang up on me now.

Operator (slight pause): No, sir.

Ben (me): Well I noticed in your advertisement that the fellow in the advertisment ("ad-ver-tis-ment") held his gamepad outwards, away from him, and I was wondering if this is an advanced technique?

Operator (mortified): We... can can teach you how to make a game -- how to develop on a platform -- but we can't teach you how to play...

Ben (me): Yes, that is the problem. I cannot play -- I hold the gamepad facing towards me.

And at that point, my brother laughed so hard in the background that she hung up.

The end.

Labels: videogames