2008-12-18
John Leguizamo is the Best Part of Any Movie
The other day I was watching Arabian Nights and it hit me: John Leguizamo is pretty much the best part of any movie he's ever been involved in.
Leguizamo got his break in Super Mario Bros. (1993), a film that left me disappointed at age 12, but has aged remarkably well. Leguizamo did a fine job playing Luigi Mario. He was fresh and cocky and did much to soften harsh reality that Mario Mario, a fat middle-aged Italian, was not very impressive in the flesh. As kids, we watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit for the rabbit, not Bob Hoskins. Here, John Leguizamo was the rabbit.
Romeo + Juliet? That just don't add up. You had prettyboy Leonardo DiCaprio, uglygirl Claire Danes, a lot of crappy editing, and Mercutio, played by Link from the Matrix sequels, wearing a goatee and red lipstick. Take it from Limahl, facial hair and lipstick doesn't match. The only reason to watch this film is to see the sneering Leguizamo bust out a custom .45 and (spoiler alert) jab Mercutio in the side with a shard of broken glass. Even then, you can probably just find it on YouTube.
In the shameless The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert ripoff To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995), John Leguizamo is the only one of the three drag queens who could maybe pass as a woman. Sorry, Patrick Swayze (Vida Boheme) and Wesley Snipes (Noxeema Jackson?), but when Eddie Murphy hankers for a tranny, he's definitely going to pass you guys up for John "Legs" Leguizamo.
M. Night Shyamalan's disaster pic The Happening (2008) cast John Leguizamo as Julian, Mark Wahlberg's geeky co-worker. This $60 million dollar budget self-professed "B-Movie" had some major problems in the acting department. Wahlberg did his best wooden Jeff Goldblum impression and tried to convence someone -- anyone -- that he was smart enough to graduate high school, let alone teach. Zooey Deschanel stared at the camera in what could only have been either a wide-eyed, drug-induced stupor or a state of shock brought on by reading the script. But Leguizamo acted like a perfectly Average Joe worried that he'd lose his daughter to killer wind, or trees, or a lack of love and human understanding, or whatever the hell Shyamalan was trying to scare us with in that one. (When I first heard his next picture was going to be about killer trees, I imagined an army of rampaging Ents. Talk about a missed opportunity!)
Prior to SMB, Leguizamo played such parts as Boy in Alley Out for Justice (1991) and Guess My Nationality Guy in Puerto Rican Mambo (Not a Musical) (1992). I'm not sure if either of those movies actually exist, but you can bet John Leguizamo was the best part about them if they do.
He was almost unrecognizable in Spawn (1997), playing Violator, a sadistic little clown who looked more like Danny DiVito than a lanky Colombian. And of course there's Arabian Nights, the Hallmark miniseries in which he stole the show as both the Genie of the Lamp and the Genie of the Ring.
The list goes on.
John Leguizamo's scene-stealing past may come as a surprise to you. I admit, until my Arabian Nights revelation, I didn't consciously like Leguizamo very much, outside of his bi-polar starring role in The Pest (1997). But now, I'm a John Leguizamo fan, man. Even if you aren't convinced that Leguizamo is the best part of any movie he's been in, I dare you to find a movie in which his presence proved detrimental.
Ironically, the only thing he's done which I didn't like was his creepy stand up comedy. I suppose in a weird way it makes sense: Stand up comedy would be like kryptonite to a guy like John Leguizamo. How can he possibly steal the show when he's the only one on stage?
Leguizamo got his break in Super Mario Bros. (1993), a film that left me disappointed at age 12, but has aged remarkably well. Leguizamo did a fine job playing Luigi Mario. He was fresh and cocky and did much to soften harsh reality that Mario Mario, a fat middle-aged Italian, was not very impressive in the flesh. As kids, we watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit for the rabbit, not Bob Hoskins. Here, John Leguizamo was the rabbit.
Romeo + Juliet? That just don't add up. You had prettyboy Leonardo DiCaprio, uglygirl Claire Danes, a lot of crappy editing, and Mercutio, played by Link from the Matrix sequels, wearing a goatee and red lipstick. Take it from Limahl, facial hair and lipstick doesn't match. The only reason to watch this film is to see the sneering Leguizamo bust out a custom .45 and (spoiler alert) jab Mercutio in the side with a shard of broken glass. Even then, you can probably just find it on YouTube.
In the shameless The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert ripoff To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995), John Leguizamo is the only one of the three drag queens who could maybe pass as a woman. Sorry, Patrick Swayze (Vida Boheme) and Wesley Snipes (Noxeema Jackson?), but when Eddie Murphy hankers for a tranny, he's definitely going to pass you guys up for John "Legs" Leguizamo.
M. Night Shyamalan's disaster pic The Happening (2008) cast John Leguizamo as Julian, Mark Wahlberg's geeky co-worker. This $60 million dollar budget self-professed "B-Movie" had some major problems in the acting department. Wahlberg did his best wooden Jeff Goldblum impression and tried to convence someone -- anyone -- that he was smart enough to graduate high school, let alone teach. Zooey Deschanel stared at the camera in what could only have been either a wide-eyed, drug-induced stupor or a state of shock brought on by reading the script. But Leguizamo acted like a perfectly Average Joe worried that he'd lose his daughter to killer wind, or trees, or a lack of love and human understanding, or whatever the hell Shyamalan was trying to scare us with in that one. (When I first heard his next picture was going to be about killer trees, I imagined an army of rampaging Ents. Talk about a missed opportunity!)
Prior to SMB, Leguizamo played such parts as Boy in Alley Out for Justice (1991) and Guess My Nationality Guy in Puerto Rican Mambo (Not a Musical) (1992). I'm not sure if either of those movies actually exist, but you can bet John Leguizamo was the best part about them if they do.
He was almost unrecognizable in Spawn (1997), playing Violator, a sadistic little clown who looked more like Danny DiVito than a lanky Colombian. And of course there's Arabian Nights, the Hallmark miniseries in which he stole the show as both the Genie of the Lamp and the Genie of the Ring.
The list goes on.
John Leguizamo's scene-stealing past may come as a surprise to you. I admit, until my Arabian Nights revelation, I didn't consciously like Leguizamo very much, outside of his bi-polar starring role in The Pest (1997). But now, I'm a John Leguizamo fan, man. Even if you aren't convinced that Leguizamo is the best part of any movie he's been in, I dare you to find a movie in which his presence proved detrimental.
Ironically, the only thing he's done which I didn't like was his creepy stand up comedy. I suppose in a weird way it makes sense: Stand up comedy would be like kryptonite to a guy like John Leguizamo. How can he possibly steal the show when he's the only one on stage?
Labels: movies
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