From the Brow of Zeus

Greetings, Children of the Night! Or in this post-Twilight world, whatever Zombie, Werewolf, or Gill Man greeting you prefer.

I just updated my Favorite Spooky Videogame Lookalikes.

Also, there's a big surprise for you all on Halloween. Huge. Let me put it this way: it's not just going to fill your candy bags, it's going to rip the seams. So pull yourself out of the apple basin long enough check back here on October 31st, or you'll be sadder than a Trick-or-Treater with a bag full of pennies stuck to bran muffin.

Either I'm up too late, or this description makes absolutely no sense:

"FBI Agent Peter Burke teams up with a most unlikely partner to catch him: a master criminal."

An FBI agent teams up with a master criminal to catch himself?

I don't get it.

Maybe someone can watch the White Collar pilot and tell me what the hell it's about. I mean other than some made-for-television Silence of the Lambs ripoff.

Edit: While digging around for that link, I came across this:

When the trail of elusive criminal "The Dutchman" deadends, FBI Agent Peter Burke teams up with a most unlikely partner to catch him; the imprisoned Neal Caffrey: master criminal, con man extraordinaire and Peter's most accomplished collar.

Okay, so that actually makes sense. It's just the first description that's horribly truncated beyond any meaning.

You too can be a writer for Hulu! Just drop random words until you're left with six or seven that might get people to watch the show. For instance, this:

When the trail of elusive criminal "The Dutchman" deadends, FBI Agent Peter Burke teams up with a most unlikely partner to catch him; the imprisoned Neal Caffrey: master criminal, con man extraordinaire and Peter's most accomplished collar.

Becomes this:

Dutchman deadends with a catch; imprisoned con man's accomplished collar.

It's that easy!

Labels: misc

I really liked Zombieland, the zomedy starring Woody Harrelson and that kid who can't stop making movies set in a carnival. I don't want to say too much about it, other than it was thoroughly enjoyable.

One thing I'll spoil is the title sequence, a slow motion sideshow chronicling the zombie outbreak, set to Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." It perfectly sets the tone of the movie: funny and gruesome. But not everyone liked it.

See, there's a topless zombie stripper, chasing after a guy with a handful of twenties. This IMDB commenter was not a fan.

The camera zooms in on her in "slow motion" as her breasts move dramatically up and down? jeez, how pathetic and objectifying is that? do people really think all the female viewers like this? obviously the men do I'm guessing. but its just pathetic. its like... a horror movie..."OH! wait, we gotta throw in the naked woman scene" gotta see some tits or its just not a movie. short scene but just over the top objectifying and insulting. why dont they throw in a man running and then zoom in slow motion on his meat and 2 veg as it "dramatically flops up and down"...? fair is fair right? or can we just not get through any movie without seeing a set of jiggling hooters....I love how american films have such high standards and respect NOT

Yeesh, where to begin?

I'll never understand why people compare a woman's breasts to a man's penis. They're two totally different things. Besides, it misses the obvious: Men have boobs! They're just late bloomers. And Hollywood movies are full of manboobs. They might belong to a big fat guy -- the man running from the stripper has a bigger chest than she does -- or a bodybuilder with bloated, well-oiled pectorials. Either way, there's a hell of a lot more shirtless men in Hollywood movies these days than shirtless women.

Just ask Matthew McConaughey, who likes to flash his C-cups in PG-rated movies.

Zombieland is a movie where people take huge bleeding bites out of each other and women are bashed in the head with toilet lids, but yeah, I guess there was this one zombie who forgot to put on her shirt, so: outrage!

Let's take a look at that last line again:

I love how american films have such high standards and respect NOT

I don't get it. It's like she just trails off at the end without finishing her thought. She loves our high standards and respect, but what was she going to say after "NOT"?

Dear God... what if she was attacked by a zombie?

Labels: movies

Idle Hands is one of my all time favorite horror films. More than that, it's one of my favorites to watch on Halloween. There's a trick to selecting a good Halloween flick, one I may reveal if I have the time, but for now, Idle Hands:


Idle Hands' DVD art is the same as the VHS art, which I always think is a good thing. As much as I appreciate the new Monster Edition of The Gate, its DVD art makes it look like a kids film (VHS cover here). And kids, I speak with first hand experience: Don't !@#$ing watch The Gate! It will mess you up so bad.

For some reason, bad art on DVD re-releases is pretty common, especially when it comes to horror. See Night of the Creeps (original VHS art here). The Blu-ray art is even worse. Sure, the original looks a little cheesy. Almost like some kind of zombie prom movie... maybe because that's what this movie was about. The VHS art is from the most memorable scene in the movie, when Tom Atkins utters the immortal quote:

"I got good news and bad news girls. Good news is your date's are here."

"And what's the bad news?"

"They're dead."

While poking around Amazon, I also came across a Region 2 copy of Idle Hands, titled Die Killerhand.


I like the whole "Monster Squad" vibe, with the heroes doing their cool-guy walk, but did you notice how they just photoshopped the hand to make it look like a zombie? It's so cheesy. The hand never looked anything like that in the movie, it was either normal-evil or burned-to-a-crisp-evil. Never zombie-evil.

And check out La Main qui tue! This time most of the art is normal, but what did they do to the hand? It looks like the goofy claymation cartoon the evil hand watched as a gag. Look how they have "Seth Green (Austin Powers)" right there on the cover. Now that guy is Scotty-evil. And Scotty Evil fans won't be disappointed, he's a hilarious presence through most of the movie.

So yeah, if you haven't seen Idle Hands yet, for goodness sake, rent it.

Speaking of idle hands, mine have been anything but. I finished three stories since the last time I talked about my upcoming book. Tell ya more about it real soon.

Labels: movies

Hope I don't get belted for this one.

Labels: videogames