From the Brow of Zeus

MTV Multiplayer reports that "Extreme Sitter" Aaron Fotheringham, a wheelchair bound teenager who performs backflips and other stunts, thinks "those video games are death."

Watch the video below, and try not to become too inspired until you get to the end.

"When other kids in wheelchairs see me doing what I do, I'd just like to inspire them to go off a curb or jump a stair set, or just get out of the house, because those video games are death."

Let's see that again in slow motion:

"...juuuummmppp....aaa....sssssttaaaiiiirrr....sssseeettt..."

People this stupid need to come with disclaimers.

Face it, if some guy tried to "inspire" your teenage son or kid brother to push his wheelchair down a flight of stairs, you'd call the cops.

Labels: videogames

Over at Fidgit, the SciFi Channel gaming blog I read obsessively, Tom Chick has a new list of ten Halo factoids you probably didn't know about.

Halo will be seven years old tomorrow (the original game was released Nov. 15, 2001). It started as an experiment. Could Bungie, a company that made shooters for the Macintosh, make a shooter for Microsoft's new console system? It turned into a juggernaut.

I think one of the reader comments sums it up nicely:

"This article has informed me of several things I didn't know about the Halo series, unfortunately they are all made up."

• Halo secured a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records when it hit 26 million copies sold and became the best-selling game of all time.
• The logo from Monolith, one of Bungie's earlier games, has a prominent place in Halo 3. At the end of the game, Master Chief has saved the galaxy from the alien Covenant, the zombified Flood, and the actual Halos, which were galactic weapons of mass destruction. However, he's stranded himself in deep space in the process. So he put himself into suspended animation to await rescue. Roll credits. But a secret ending shows him drifting towards a planet with the Marathon logo. Easter egg or teaser?
• Halo's unlikely celebrity endorsement: "I've stayed up all night playing Xbox. Halo is the only game I play. It's the only game I know how to play and I'm not very good. But I will play it obsessively." That was Julia Roberts in a 2006 interview.
  

Best selling game of all time? Julia Roberts? Monolith?

A quick check at Wikipedia reveals Super Mario Bros. for the NES is still the best selling game of all time, at least according to Guinness.

Is Tom having fun at the expense ofHalo fans, or has something gone seriously wrong over at Fidgt? I just saw an ad for the website on the Sci Fi channel yesterday, so maybe the influx of readers had something to do with it. It's probably just one of those days.

When I tried to post a correction in the comments, Word Press told me "Text entered was wrong. Try again." Now *that's* irony.

UPDATE: Tom said it was all a case of bad editing. The facts and figures have been corrected. Now just one question remains: Where the heck can I get a copy of Monolith?

Labels: videogames

I think I mentioned this work-in-progress months ago, but when you're sick and home all day, it's a good a time as any to catch up on blog posts.

5 Reasons I Bought UnReal World RPG
The UnReal World RPG is an independent PC game set in the Finnish Iron age. What separates it from most other role-playing games is an emphasis on survival, simulating the harsh rigors of living off the land in ancient times. Instead of classes like Warriors and Wizards, you play Fishermen, Hunters and my personal favorite, a crazy old Hermit. It's sort of like an antisocial Dwarf Fortress, only this sucker has been around since the early 90s.

Click here to read the article, or visit the official UnReal World RPG page.

And no, that shot isn't me and my brother, it's from the game.

Labels: videogames

It's Gamepro, so you know it has to be good.

Here's a choice quote from Oblivion:

Even two years after its initial release, the game is still a feast for the eyes and is proof that game companies need to make more first-person RPG games.

So the game proves we need more role play game games?

Nicely put.

Xenogears is #8, a game I hate so much I'm going to repost an article on my website from years ago listing the reasons Xenogears sucks.

So deep was the customization and maintenance required for your Gear, and so rewarding were the results of adding parts and upgrades, the combat of Xenogears was almost another game within a game.

Yeah, too bad it was a game within a game with a ten-billion word script, each of those words more painful to read than the last.

#7 is The Ultima Series.

What a cop-out. Why do Zelda and Final Fantasy get separate entries, but not Ultima? Anyone who lists "series" is saying, "Okay, every Ultima game combined is pretty good. But you know what's better? #6..."

#6: Diablo II: Lord of Destruction.

The Diablo II expansion pack!

The sad thing is, I don't even think they realize they listed the expansion pack. It's not like they said, "Diablo II + Lord of Destruction."

Though not a full-blown RPG, Diablo II's hack-and-slash adventure makes our list. Why? Because it's an insanely fun game that weaves in RPG elements.

They write that for Diablo, yet when they listed #9: The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, they didn't even mention what a Zelda game was doing on a list of RPGs. (Okay, Zelda II had an experience system... but we're talking Zelda III here.)

Fallout 3 is #5.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (aka Zelda 64) is #3. Again, no Diablo-style mention of "it's not really an RPG." Which confuses me, because no matter how much you hate action/adventures or action/rpgs, you've got to admit, Diablo II was a hell of a lot more of an RPG than Zelda 3.

The list closes with World of Warcraft as #2, and Final Fantasy VII as #1.

Final Fantasy VII.

Incidentally, Final Fantasy VI was nowhere on the list.

Cripes.

I can't go on, it's too depressing. Just see for yourself.

Labels: videogames

Sorry this is a bit late, I was getting weird blogger errors whenever I tried to post and it threw off my whole groove. My groove, damnit! Thrown clear off course.

Here's a bit of Zeus Vs. Stephen King Text Adventure for your holiday enjoyment.

Stephen King's The Mist PC Game Review

Enjoy.

Labels: videogames

Well guys, I'm sorry to say I had to resign from Out of Eight. Some things have come up and I just don't have enough time to thoroughly play and review games anymore. James was nice and invited me back when my situation changes, but for now, I'm only going to have enough time for random updates here and there; no more marathon gaming for me.

Here's my last two reviews: King's Bounty - The Legend (7/8) and Strong Bad Episode 2 (also a 7/8).

There's been a tremendous amount of good PC games lately. Tactical-RPGs, adventure games, not just the usual big budget FPS titles critics seem to adore. It's starting to remind me of the 32 bit console era, when magazines regularly gave 100% scores to Tomb Raider and Mario 64, and in one magazine's case, a 101% score for Final Fantasy VII.

Labels: videogames

Last week I raved about Mount&Blade. This week it's Belief & Betrayal, a game that proves having an ampersand in your title isn't enough to guarantee success.

Imagine a gray haired man with his back to the camera. His voice is flippant, shrill and condescending. He's Jonathan Danter, a journalist and something of a ladies man, at least according to his editor, who's worried he'll waste time “looking at girls in mini skirts and sexy tops.” But there's no way any girl could tolerate the presence of this goofy-looking goose in shoes. He's undeniably irritating, the kind of guy you couldn't wait to get away from. And that's before he busts out his lovable little chestnut: “cats whiskers!”

Read my Belief & Betrayal review, or you can check out all my old Out of Eight reviews in the archives.

Labels: videogames

So, Mount&Blade was the first game I gave an 8/8 rating to, and --

What's that? I didn't tell you I write game reviews for Out of Eight? Well, now you know. And you can click here to read all my reviews on one page.

Anyway, Mount&Blade is an Action/RPG/Strategy game best known for its emphasis on large scale battles and real-time mounted combat. But you can ignore all that deadly warfare stuff and just be an apolitical merchant trader, buying low and selling high. I hate to abuse a cliche, but it's a bit like Grand Theft Auto. And Darklands. And Sid Meier's Pirates! Oh yeah, and it rules.

I always take a moment to contemplate my next step before crushing my opponent beneath the heel of my boot.

You can read my review of Mount&Blade here. If that doesn't convince you, there's also a generous free demo which lets you play the whole game until you reach level seven.

Spoiler Alert: I give it an 8/8, which doesn't mean perfect, it means you should buy the damn game already.

Labels: videogames

In an article called Xbox 360 Barely Outsells PS3 in August by Tracy Erickson (of GamePro!), PC World made the startling revelation that more owners of Nintendo Wii have bought copies of Wii Fit than the Xbox 360 title Too Human,

[Madden NFL 09 for Wii] even sold less than Too Human, which is a far more niche title than passing around the pigskin. Apparently Wii owners prefer working out with Wii Fit and pedal-to-the-metal sessions of Mario Kart than football or looting adventures set to a Norse mythological back drop.

Why even put that last part in there? It had me scrambling to see if Too Human had a Wii release I never heard about.

I get the writer's point, that a niche Xbox 360 title can outsell a major third party Wii release. But there are two problems with the quoted paragraph:

1. Madden fans are fist-pumping college guys who've always stuck with whatever system was coolest/most resistant to beer/bong water spills. They don't have Wiis, they have PS3s and 360s.
   
2. Saying Wii owners prefer Mario Kart to Madden is fair. Saying Wii owners prefer Mario Kart to Too Human borders on insane. It's like saying they prefer it to skydiving.
   

Labels: videogames

Here's a little something from the vaults: A rant titled Think Outside the Treasure Chest.

I dig skimpy chainmail babes as much as the next guy, but I'll never understand the video game industry's obsession with fantasy RPGs. Sure, early RPGs ripped their play mechanics from D&D, which borrowed heavily from Tolkien, who was inspired by mythology -- but that's no reason EVERY FREAKING RPG must contain magic and goblins.

Click here to read Think Outside the Treasure Chest

Written in 2001; still holds true today.

Labels: videogames

I use a game trading site, which lets me swap used games for points, then cash in those points on other used games. It actually works really well, because it solves the age-old problem of trying to find someone who not only has games you want, but wants one of your games in return.

Anyway, I sent out a copy of Tony Hawk's Underground 2 for GBA a couple of weeks ago, and never got any feedback. Worried, I sent a Private Message asking if they got the game. The reply I received was priceless:

Sorry about not being able to reply earlier. I got grounded off the computer. I got the game and I loved it so much my eyes were shriveled up from playing it so much

That is awesome upon badass. Things like that make me miss being a kid.

Labels: videogames

When I saw there was an article over at Cracked called A History of Violence: 6 Old School Games as Brutal as GTA, I checked it out to see if they had discovered Chiller, an arcade game I once called, "the most brutal, violent and sadistic videogame of all time." (Link to my Ironic Consumer review.)

Not only did they list Chiller, they made it their #1.

But there was something oddly... familiar about this screenshot.



That's right -- same point total, same time left on the clock, same last minute 300 point shot.

I actually like Cracked. Hell, I link to them on my website. It's just too bad they couldn't have tossed poor, neglected Ironic Consumer a little link. (Neglected, but not too obscure -- we're the primary source cited on Wikipedia and the top the Google search.)

When Games Radar used some of Flying Omelette's screenshots for an article called The Top 7... Nudity You Didn't Notice (in video games), they were kind enough to credit her for her work.

It's one thing to steal images from other websites when you're independent and barely covering the cost of web hosting with AdSense. But I kind of expected more from professionals.

I may not be the first guy to cover Chiller, but I'm pretty damn sure I 'm the first to use that screenshot -- especially considering I'm the one who took it

Update: I heard back from Jack O'Brien, EIC at Cracked. He apologized and added a link to Ironic Consumer. No hard feelings on my part. I don't really mind if people use our images, just as long as we receive credit. (Visa, Mastercard, anything but American Express.)

Labels: videogames

I've got a new article over at Bucket Bros, justifying the purchase of another indy game:

5 Reasons I Bought Strange Adventures in Infinite Space.

Here's a sample:

Inspired by the original Star Trek, Strange Adventures in Infinite Space (SAIS) is a game of turn-based galactic exploration and simple real time combat. You're not here to conquer the galaxy so much as swipe a few alien artifacts and exotic lifeforms, then make it home in time to collect some cold hard spacebucks.

Click here for the full article.

Labels: videogames

I got the idea after reading an article in EGM on the feasibility of famous video game weapons. Seeing the Gunsword next to a Lancer got me thinking. Are Double Weapons fundamentally flawed... or certified works of genius? And given enough time and a bit of javascript, could I do better?

• Nuclear Baseball Bat

• Remington Fists

• Flak Cannon Lasso

• Sniper Numbchucks

Click here to see your random Double Weapon!


This page has my first ever Stumble Upon button, so somebody tell me if it works and it trips them up. Just don't sue me. This page can't afford insurance.

P.S. This is a work in progress. If you can think of any weapons I should add, let me know in the comments.

Labels: videogames

Note: I'm going to post the full article in the next day or two, but for now, here's a preview.

5 Reasons I Bought UnReal World RPG

#1 - The full game is only $3.
You heard me, *three bucks*. The catch is, the $3 license isn't good for updates. Ever. Not even if you run into some really gnarly bugs. For that price, you have to Hex Edit them out yourself.

A $10 license will grant you a few buxfixes until the next major revision. Finally, a Lifetime License is available for $55, which is a lot of cash, but if you're really into the game, it'll entitle you to years of upcoming content without ever having to shell out another dime.

Me, I only spent $3. If they add anything new down the line, I might look into the $10 license. But nobody ever accused me of *not* being a cheapskate.

Might not be the most interesting reason, but I find this whole tier-registration plan oddly fascinating.

Buying this game almost becomes a game in itself. You want to time your $3 registration just before the next major revision, when all the old bugs are fixed and the new ones are ready to be programmed in.

I bought mine a few days ago, because there hadn't been an update in months and I thought I was fairly safe. Turns out I was wrong, as less than a week later, out comes version 3.10-2!

Oh, the horror!

Will the devious minds behind the game hook me into buying a more expensive license? Will I ever actually get to play it? What do I mean, "Digital Finns"? Tune in to find out! The next major revision of this article will be out in just a few days. And it's going to cost you $0.47.

Labels: videogames

Waffle Squadron Omega's Cap'n Jack has responded to my 5 Reasons I Bought Mount & Blade article and brought up an interesting point.

What struck him was Mount & Blade's lifetime license -- a one-time fee gives you unlimited upgrades for free.

This is a concept that other games - especially digitally distributed games (Xbox Live, PSN, WiiWare, etc.) - can benefit from. The pay up front + free upgrades for life works with most of the software that we use on our computers today. So why not use this with video games?

For example, the Penny Arcade Adventure: RSPOD, which is currently on Xbox Live for $20, could possibly benefit from having a $50 price tag if it meant we’d get continuous, free updates to the game over the next few years. It’s a gamble, because consumers can’t really be certain how often they’re going to get these free updates. But, if a precedent is set, then the market will be there.

Like Jack says, it's a gamble. The problem with paying more for episodic content up front is that like any "season" of entertainment, it might get canceled. Shenmue, SIN Episodes, Shining Force III for Saturn (the sequels were released in Japan only). The list goes on.

The one episodic game I can think of with real lasting power is Sam & Max. (Full seasons are available at a sizable discount.)

Given the shaky history of episodic games, the only way I'd be comfortable paying for a full season in advance is if we arranged what I call the Miami Vice Villain Agreement: Half now, the other half when you deliver the goods.


I'd be fine with paying $25 for the first episode, getting another nine free and then automatically being billed $25 when they fulfill their end of the bargain and finish the series. Plus, it'd give me a chance to wear pastel shirts under my sportcoat.

I like the idea of multiple payment options. For instance, UnReal World (another medieval RPG with a lifetime license deal) lets you buy the full game for $3. That's right, just three bucks and you own the whole thing. The catch? No more updates. Ever.

What if there's a game crashing bug? Nope. Sorry about your damn luck.

$10 gets you a Single Major Version license, good for a few bugfixes, at least until there's a major revision. Finally, Mr. Moneypockets can buy a lifetime registration for $55. Sure, it sounds like a lot, but you'll be entitled to years of future content. (Compare that to professionally developed PC games, where anything more than a bugfix is labeled an "expansion pack.")

As for free content just-for-the-heck-of-it, Unreal Tournament got a famous Bonus Pack some years ago, which did a lot to convince people that Cliffy B. beat John C. in the Unreal Tournament/Quake 3 wars. And Cryptic Comet recently released a free booster pack for its turn-based post-apocalyptic card card game, Armageddon Empires.

Even as the developer begins work on his next game, Solium Infernum -- in which players assume their roles as warring Barons of Hell -- he's announced another A.E. bonus pack -- again, for free.

Out of the kindness of his cold, black, demonic lord lovin' heart.

Labels: videogames

Curmudgeon Gamer is worried that single player modes could be a thing of the past.

"With news that even Resident Evil 5 wants to tap into the co-op trend, I definitely get a feel that the days of sitting on your own and enjoying something in a similar way as you would sit and enjoy a book are over. Social gaming is reaching a new epoch, so it's only a natural extension that everything tries to get on board." -- Curmudgeon Gamer.

It's all due to a quote from our favorite jittering man-goat, Phil "Give Me What I Want And I'll Go Away" Harrison:

"Alone in the Dark is a beautifully crafted single-player adventure game. I don't think the industry is going to make many more of those. I just don't think consumers want to be playing games that don't have some kind of network connectivity to them, or some kind of community embedded in them, or some kind of extension available through downloadable content." -- Phil Harrison, to Eurogamer.

Meanwhile, Joystiq bemoans the Golden Axe remake's lack of a co-op mode (along with everyone else who ever played the original games.)



Are co-op games getting more popular? Yes, thank God. (I'm one of those weird types who prefers to do his multiplayer gaming on the couch, where settled disputes are only a punch away.)

But I don't think a rise of co-op modes necessarily means the death of single player games. (Don't get me wrong -- things could get very grim. Just look at PC RPGs: In a matter of years, single-player RPGs went from one of the strongest genres on the market to the occasional Elder Scrolls title -- and Witcher -- lost in a sea of MMORPGs.) As long as there are smaller developers, we'll still have finely crafted single-player stories, even if so-called "AAA" publishers like EA think we're better off without them.

I think it's all a matter of staying true to the series. A single-player Golden Axe is every bit as stupid as a massively multiplayer Alone in the Dark. ("Lovecraftian horror" and "large crowds of newbies" don't exactly go hand-in-hand.) Final Fantasy 11 (should have called it "Online") never really caught on. I don't see much call for a Massively Multiplayer Mario Bros., while an expansive, 100 hour single-player Smash Bros. campaign mode is likely to be ignored than anything else.

Let the multiplayer mode fit the game. Buddy cop movies are fun, so "buddy cop" games like Army of Two are a no-brainer. But Final Fantasy is all about forgetting the world around you -- doesn't make sense to populate that world with assholes from the real world.

I don't hope for an end of single-player modes any more than I wish for a return to the single-player-centric mindset of the 90s. Let's strike a healthy balance, so that we may game with our friends, and just as importantly, game without them.

Labels: videogames

I meant to discuss this earlier, but here goes:

After a wonderful April issue, containing some of the best writing I've read in years (including a history of tchotchkes by my old buddy Scott Sharkey) Games For Windows magazine, AKA Computer Gaming World, is dead. Dead!

This is pathetic.

And I don't mean that in any insulting way -- it's an absolute disgrace that there's only one American PC gaming magazine left: PC Gamer -- go fig. (I guess the "Games For Windows" name was a little too obscure for the average person browsing the magazine rack.)

One PC gaming magazine left. One. (I don't count Beckett' MMO, which is just too specialized to do me very good).

What the hell is going on?

There's generally one answer given:

DURR! NOBODEE NEEDS MAGUSHEENS WE GOTS THE INTERNET!

Well, I need them, damnit. Because I don't spend every second online. Because it's nice to take one with you on car trips, or just turn on a reading lamp, pry your eyes away from the blinding radiation machine, and read yourself to sleep. Because, on occasion, I have been known to take a crap.

Besides, the "internet killed magazines" argument doesn't hold water.

Yesterday, at the grocery store, I was faced with a plethora of general interest computer magazines:

• Maximum PC Presents 401 PC Answers
• PC World
• CPU Computer Power User
• Smart Computing
• Maximum PC
  

Six general interest computer magazines! Six!

I ask again: What the hell is going on? Obviously, the people who buy these magazines have access to a computer, and you aren't about to convince me that people lacking internet access outnumber gamers by a factor of six.

Look, I know Computer Games Magazine and Games For Windows Magazine died due to mismanagement (more or less). But why isn't anyone stepping in there to take their place?

Magazines, like comic books, are a form of art; a sublime mix of text and images that rivals any other. Webcomics haven't killed off print comics. Porno magazines aren't on the verge of extinction (and I'm fairly sure that the second, if not first picture uploaded to the internet was a big closeup of boobs.) And despite TMZ.com's best efforts, tabloids continue to clutter the checkout stand.

It's inevitable that someday digital will replace print, but right here -- right now -- why have computer gaming magazines been obliterated while general interest computer magazines continue to thrive?

What the hell is going on?

Labels: videogames

Ernest Adams of Gamasutra said, "at $15, [SAIS] is the best value for money of anything I've seen in years."

Well you know what, Vern? I got that beat by 50%!

Paizo is offering Strange Adventures in Infinite Space on CD for only $7.50. That's 50% off the usual price of $15.


SAIS has been described as a mini-Star Control or "4x-lite." The playing time is 5-20 minutes, but the replayability is infinite, at least according to the official website. And they're not kidding -- on Paizo's reader review page, one fellow said he played the demo over a hundred times before deciding to buy the game.

"But Zeus! Longer games mean added value!" Yeah, not really. It's just as fun to beat a good short game twenty times as it is never to finish a long one, maybe even more. Think back to the days of Final Fantasy IV, when you could beat a Square RPG overnight. Kinda made you want to hit reset after the ending credits and start again, didn't it? Same concept here.

I'veI wanted to play this game ever since 2002. The digital download is only $15, but getting it on CD for $7.50 was too good to refuse.

Don't take my word for it -- I haven't even played the game yet. Gamasutra called it "a perfect short game." It won the Underdogs Top Dog award. And for you brainy types, GamerDad called it "....an existential height of great re-playability and meaning."

And it looks like a totally accessible Star Trek simulator.

Count me in.

P.S. While you're there, be sure to pick up Plasmaworm. Apparently, it's free.

Labels: videogames

NOTE: This is a work in progress, but since no one reads this blog anyway it shouldn't matter. Expect updates soon.

I don't think the problem is piracy. The reason people don't buy many PC games anymore is, well, who can afford them?

A console costs $300-400 dollars and is good for 5 years, more or less. (Much more, in the case of PS2.) A gaming PC costs over a thousand and you start to have trouble keeping up with new games after about a year, barring constant hardware updates.

The real joke is that except for gaming you can do basically everything you need to do on a computer using eight to ten year old hardware. Web browsing, email, word processing -- these aren't things that require upgrades.

So we're supposed to shell out $2000 every three years for what, a few new PC games? When console games look almost as good for 1/4th the price and twice the longevity? Please.

I think people are starting to catch on. A better investment would be to never upgrade your PC again and just buy a console every four or five years.

My new stance on computers is that I treat them like cars. I'll fix parts when they break down, but I'm not going to run out and buy a new one every three years as long as I can get mileage out the one I already own.

In the meantime, I'll continue to play classics and buy games from developers who support gamers, not hardware companies.

Mount & Blade had me at "DirectX7 support."

Psychonauts, on the other hand, continues to languish on my shelf, unplayed, because the bastards won't let me play it. To them, having their pixels shaded is more important than actually letting me play the damn game.

Choppy framerates I can deal with. I played Quake on a 486 DX/33. But one thing I can't stand are error messages telling me that the water might look a little less than shiny, so sorry, I can't play the damn game. You want to talk "ruining the experience"? Try not having an experience at all.

The really crazy thing is, I can play KotOR (an Xbox port) fine. But the spiritual sequel, Jade Empire, (also an Xbox port) won't work with my video card. Why? Because that they thought having a few special effects was more important than reaching gamers with older PCs.

Look, I realize you can only reach back so far. Consoles aren't "forwards compatible," there's a limit to these things. I am fine with not being able to play games like Half-Life 2, which had an advanced physics engine my rig couldn't handle. That's gameplay, to the core. I appreciate that Morrowind lets me play it even without pixel shaders and crap, but I'm not going to expect to play Oblivion because that's on a whole other level (ragdoll physics, etc.)

But the petty "Oh, the game might not look as SHINY, let's not even let them PLAY it" mentality is killing the industry. Is Jade Empire really so much more advanced than KotOR that I'd need new hardware just to play it, when both games ran fine on an Xbox? I don't buy it. Changes could have been made, and sales could have increased. But why bother, when you could just half-ass it and blame piracy.

Developers claim they can only make money on MMOs and casual games. Because... Why? They're pirate proof? Wrong. It's because we can actually run them -- casual games aren't any less prone to piracy than any other, and MMORPGs are dominated by a single game -- World of Warcraft -- while newer titles like Tabula Rasa continue to die.

Let's look at WoW's minimum requirements for a clue:

- Intel Pentium® III 800 MHz or AMD Athlon 800 MHz
- 32 MB 3D graphics card with Hardware Transform and Lighting, such as NVIDIA® GeForce™ 2 class card or above
- 4x CD-ROM drive
- A 56k or better Internet connection

A 4x CD-Rom? Oh crap, how will I manage? I'll have to buy it as soon as I save up for a 56k modem.

Now let's compare that with Tabula Rasa.

- 2.5 GHz Intel® Pentium® 4 or equivalent AMD™ processor
- 128 MB Direct3D and Shader 2.0 compatible video card and DirectX 9.0 compatible driver

Viva la Rasa? Not with those requirements.

Age of Conan is even better:

Processor: 3GHz Pentium IV
RAM: 1GB RAM
Video Card: Shader Model 2.0 and 128MB RAM: NVIDIA GeForce 5800 or ATI 9800

Recommended
Processor: Intel Core 2 Duo 2.4 GHz (E6600) or better
Video Card: NVIDIA GeForce 7950GX2 or better
RAM: 2GB or more

Something tells me that the Age of Conan will last about as long as the Age of Mythica.

It's a crummy time to be a PC gamer. But at least we have indy developers on our side. The second Iron Tower Studio said Age of Decadence could run on a GeForce 4 MX, they guaranteed a sale.

The only professional developer who seems to get this is Blizzard. I remember playing Diablo II on my cruddy old laptop, and it was amazing -- a brand new game on this total non-gaming rig! You can bet they had my money.

Publishers could learn from Blizzard. Instead they're learning new ways to alienate consumers, embracing DVD-drive-destroying anti-piracy measures and insanely high system requirements that all but guarantee we'll turn to consoles, older games, or turn away in disgust.

---
Sneer at the average consumer all you want. It is they who have made this industry bigger than Hollywood, not us; they who have made The Sims and Myst some of the bestselling games of all time.

Labels: videogames

Got a new article over at Bucket Bros. It deals with a rather touchy subject, so I went more for fact-based than funny, which is a direction I'm more comfortable in leaning towards these days. Call it the maturing of an Asshole Webmaster, a man who has leapt at the chance to finally discuss something truly meaningful. Also, I managed to work in a picture of Madonna and the Spice Girls holding the leashes of some groveling leather-gimps.

The internet rules!

Blacklash: How Accusations of Racism Force Blacks Out of Video Games.

It's wrong to deny someone a job because of the color of their skin, and surely this should also apply to video games. Yet time and time again, companies who include original (non-licensed) black characters in their games are hit with accusations of racial insensitivity until they cave in and remove them entirely.

What follows is the strange story of how racist accusations have kept video games politically correct by banning an entire race of people.

Read full article here.

Fun fact: Inspired by Giant Bomb, the article has been scaled down from 700px to 600px wide. Which means now you can finally read it, instead of having your eyes jog across the screen until they get tired, pop out of your head and roll away.

Labels: videogames

After a full year of insisting gamers get an extra job or cash in their daughter's college fund for a $600 monstrosity known as PS3, Sony has finally issued a price that drops perilously close to affordable, maybe, if I sell a few pints of my blood.

But caveat emptor (which is Latin for, "hey, check me out, I know Latin"). The new model of PlayStation 3 is even more feature-reduced than the infamous "Xbox 360 Retarded." Yes, it is... PlayStation 3 Alzheimers.

Why Alzheimers? Because it's forgotten a proud tradition that Sony started with the PlayStation 2:

The $400 PlayStation 3 is not backwards-compatible. Not even a little. You can't play PSOne or PlayStation 2 games on it. (Hell, you're lucky it can still play DVD movies.)

"The new model is also no longer backwards compatible with PlayStation 2 titles, reflecting both the reduced emphasis placed on this feature amongst later purchasers of PS3, as well as the availability of a more extensive line-up of PS3 specific titles (a total of 65 titles across all genres by Christmas)." [Link]

You heard 'em right -- 65 titles. Who could ask for anything more? Merry Christmas!

The reason for this, Sony will assure you, has nothing to do with the fact that you can now download PSOne games directly onto your PlayStation 3 -- for a small fee, of course.

In other words, the new PlayStation 3 won't let you play Final Fantasy VII, but it WILL let you pay to download a copy that works.

Can you imagine if Sony redesigned other things -- like your girlfriend?

The good news: She's a lot cheaper.

The bad news: Now she's missing a few ports. And she's no longer "backwards compatible," if you know what I mean.

Ha!

Labels: misc, videogames

I made a prank call today. I couldn't help it. The School of Game Development made me.

Okay, they didn't make me, exactly. But they were asking for it.

Just take a look at their half-page advertisement in Game Informer magazine:


Friggin' genius! He doesn't even hold his control pad the right way. And he's supposed to be a graduate? The only way that would work is if this was the "before" picture a two-part ad. The message being, "We even taught this guy how to program!"

Concerned for the future of the School of Game Development, I placed a call.

No, seriously. I called them up. And though I did not mean to, I spoke in a slight Indian accent. Purely subconsciously, I assure you.

Fine. I sounded like Ben Jabituya.

Ben (me): Hello, is this the School of Game Development?

Operator (bubbly): Yes it is!

Ben (me): I was wondering if you had a course on advanced joystick holding.

Halfway through saying this, I realized how dirty it sounded. I was afraid she'd hang on me. This wasn't a sleazy call! Luckily, things were about to get too damn funny for her to hang up on me now.

Operator (slight pause): No, sir.

Ben (me): Well I noticed in your advertisement that the fellow in the advertisment ("ad-ver-tis-ment") held his gamepad outwards, away from him, and I was wondering if this is an advanced technique?

Operator (mortified): We... can can teach you how to make a game -- how to develop on a platform -- but we can't teach you how to play...

Ben (me): Yes, that is the problem. I cannot play -- I hold the gamepad facing towards me.

And at that point, my brother laughed so hard in the background that she hung up.

The end.

Labels: videogames