Spring-Heeled Jack

Jack the Ripper is overexposed. Carving up women may have been shocking once, but after every slasher film ever made, we've become rather desensitized. Let us learn of a more original Jack, one who terrorized London by leaping tall buildings in a single bound.

Polly Adams, a pub wench best described as comely, was attacked by a strange creature in 1837. Rumors of a humanoid that could leap great heights sprouted up in south-west London. The descriptions varied, from a muscular man in a shiny suit and cloak who could breathe fire, to a winged monster with horns. But all Adams would say is the thing was "Devil-like". The same description was given by another woman who was attacked in the Clapham churchyard, but police did little to warn the populace. (They were probably too busy drinking tea.)

Wow, check out the ass on that goblin!

In February a woman by the name of Jane Alsop, who lived with her father and two sisters, heard a loud knocking at her front door. Looking out into the dark London night she saw a man shrouded in shadows, standing by the front gate. He identified himself as a police officer and asked her to bring a light, saying he had captured Spring-Heeled Jack. Jane grabbed a candle and ran out to the gate, excited that London's favorite monster had been caught.

When Jane handed the light to the officer, he grabbed her neck and pinned her head under his arm, then started to tear off her dress. Screaming, she broke free and ran, only to be caught again. Holding her by the hair, the thing started clawing her face and neck. Luckily, one of Jane's sisters was heard the struggle, and ran into the street calling for help. But before anyone could subdue him, Spring-Heeled jack leaped away into the darkness.

Jane described Spring-Heeled Jack as hideous, wearing a helmet and a tight fitting costume, "like an oilskin", under a black cloak. His face was monstrous, with balls of fire for eyes, and claws on his fingers. She even said he vomited blue-white flames! And if you find that hard to swallow (heh, heh), read on.

People were afraid of this guy?

Jack wasn't sighted again until a strange figure was seen on the London Church, climbing a Spire. After showing its face, it leapt into the darkness. Rumors of the same creature also visiting the Tower of London also spread.

Spring-Heeled Jack was sighted again and again, especially between 1850 and 1860, when sightings surged. According to one report, in 1860 the monster had been cornered by a mob, only to escape by jumping over a hedge to safety. In 1870, the army set traps for Jack after he slapped sentries with his icy hands, and jumped atop the guard boxes. Parents were starting to keep there children inside, fearing an attack from the bouncing villain, especially in the Midlands where his sightings were more frequent.

Finally, one night in 1877, angry townspeople tried to shoot Spring-Heeled Jack, but to no avail. The last time jack was officially seen was a dark night in Liverpool, in September 1904. Jack was last spotted in William Henry Street, jumping from the street to rooftops, and back again. When townspeople tried to corner him, he once again leapt away into the darkness, his eerie laugh echoing through the streets of London.

Nobody actually shot Jack, but that didn't stop the newspapers from printing sensationalist crap like this.

Waterford had friends who were well versed in applied mathematics, and they might well have helped him design boots with strong springs in the heels. As for the fire, he might have learned the technique of the Fire Eater (or spitter), or even designed some sort of device that spouted fire. Waterford was often in the area where crimes occurred, and we all know how fun it is to watch the results of a prank.

As one final piece of evidence, we look back into 1938 at one of Spring-Heeled Jack's lesser known attacks. After his attack on Jane Alsop, Jack tried the same trick a few nights later on a another house. A servant boy realized who the "police officer" was, and started to scream for help. Spring-Heeled Jack escaped again, but not before the boy spotted a crest with the letter "W" on the man's cloak.

Of course, if Jack was human, Waterford would have had to pass the torch at some time, since the sightings went on for over 50 years. Then again, you never know. Maybe there really was a creature in London. One who had a love for disfiguring women. One who lurked in the shadows for nearly sixty years, only to be seen at night. One who police and army alike were helpless against, who breathed fire and had hellish eyes, who's powerful legs could propel him more than thirty feet in the air...

Yeah, right. And maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.